strawberry rice cake

Because I get a new one every year.

2011-05-29T20:53:00.000+10:00

Trying out LJ!

http://skyaria.livejournal.com/

2011-05-24T19:50:00.003+10:00

With the tremendous acceleration of life, we grow accustomed to using our mind and eye for seeing and judging incompletely or incorrectly, and all men are like travelers who get to know a land and its people from a train.

-Friedrich Nietzsche, in Human

2011-04-28T22:16:00.003+10:00

Gosh, don't you hate it how you can be so irrevocably, inexpressibly LAME sometimes. It's so screwed up.

Sorry I don't feel making any facade of eloquence today. Sometimes everything just makes more sense when you speak more like a typical teenager. Well, almost.

2011-03-15T17:07:00.000+11:00

Things are sweeter when they’re lost. I know — because once I wanted something and got it. It was the only thing I ever wanted badly, Dot, and once I got it it turned to dust in my hand.

The Beautiful and Damned, F. Scott Fitzgerald

like strangers.

2011-03-15T00:14:00.005+11:00

sometimes even though you know it happens, it's still so surprising to see how quickly a friendship can dissipate in a few short seconds to the years it's taken to form to today's strength and history. but then again maybe it wasn't so strong after all? for if our friendship was so strong in the first place it would never have needed to fall, only stumbled.

all I know is I don't regret it. because sometimes you know you have to end it. even though it feels wrong because we've been friends so long...sometimes you just can't take anymore of it. putting up with her crap, her dramas and then she only chooses to talk to you when she has no one else.

and then one day in class, she just walks right past my seat like we haven't been friends forever.

like we haven't always sat together in class and now, this year, in the only class I have with her she passes me by.

just like that. I felt the threads that were so loose on our friendship already, snap. It was so strong, this sense of out-of-placeness as in that one, tiny moment when time almost, almost feels like it stands still.

it sounds trivial already doesn't it? but it was just that.

the final scene was not dramatic. we didn't yell or scream or stomp off in a fit of madness.

we didn't even talk or argue or anything.

we just passed each other by.

like strangers.

is that what we are?

Regardless, I'm going to accept this and move on. I need to stop looking back keep trying to pick up the threads of my life I've decided to leave behind.

update ☆

2011-03-07T23:25:00.014+11:00

Mood: tired (=__=) need to get maths homework done~!

Music: T-Max - Fight the Feeling lol kpop...it's catchy

Anywaay, so I'm trying out a different style for this blog. Actually no, I do that all the time. I shift and shift and change and I seriously can't decide.

But I'm not going to spend ages to seriously edit this shiz, dude like I usually do..seriously have trouble writing sometimes. No more backspacing! I will write what's on my mind and my non-existent readers will like it! lol or future self. Whatever. Blogs are great for that. Time capsule stuff.

Yeah, the true mind of a 16 year old is truly brilliant stuff \o/

So, update time! Summer's come and gone and it's already been six weeks into the first semester. Assessments rain down all at once, homework load heightened and higher expectations - even though no one ever really tries that hard in prelim I still take school so seriously most of the time.

I'm at odds.

Favourite subject so far? Japanese.

Definitely. It's not really easy or anything. I just really like it and I'm just really interested in Japanese culture and the language always sound so pretty and lyrical to me.

Long term goal - Take the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) and get a working visa in Japan.

I just seriously hope I don't lose interest in it (>.<)

I hate being without a solid passion sometimes. You know, that thing you just really love to do and would be happy doing for the rest of your life.

I want that.

I want to find my passion. Without sounding too melodramatic or cliche lol.

Another thing I've realised since coming back to school is to never underestimate how many awesome people there are..pretty much everywhere.

Like for instance, I used to think no one in my grade would have played or even heard of kotor. Turns out there are quite a few. And quite a few who love other equally cool video games that are not just cod: black ops but others as well haha.

Or nerdfighters - just today a girl who's been catching my bus for quite a while rocked up in a john green pizza shirt. Which was very awesome and surprising (in a good way). I don't really know any other nerdfighters on the coast except for ally-wa.

Ok being such a lazy cat now lol. just can't be bothered to capitalise my a's and my b's.

It's 11:42pm, need to finish exercise 4.2, shower, cleanse face + sleep sleep time.

oyasumi ^__^

@11:45 pm

oh yeah, forgot to mention total MIND FUG - wanted to change my font to georgia on this blog from arial when I got hit with this huge editing menu on blogger that I was totally confounded by for a few moments. I hate change.

Fun and smiles and all those cute love songs you wish were yours to keep

2011-01-20T23:14:00.009+11:00

Summer, summer, the summer that changed our lives forever. Wow, I never thought I'd be quoting that again but it's true, at least in some part I think to this summer: 2010-11. Let's flick back.

Mid December: busy, fruitless job searching to no avail, shopping with Vegemite-chan and as always ending up with not a lot of money/in perpetual debt, dyed my hair red and back to black again, prepping for Vietnam holiday

17 December: Left from Syd Airport International Terminal for Hanoi. Arrived in Saigon after a slightly uncomfortable long Vietnam Airlines flight - the neon lights and hazy atmosphere with a large Canon building made for a very foreign, yet familiar front.

Christmas Eve: In Dalat, enjoying the night festivities in the city centre and so many couples walking hand in hand to enjoy the Christmas lights.

Christmas Day: Back to Saigon, a city by day which suddenly seemed a lot more friendly and welcoming. Visited Cu Chi tunnels and the old parliament house then finally to visit my Uncle, Aunt & cousins after not seeing them for 7 years. My cousins took me & Martin out to see the city lights by motorbike. So many things to see in the city and on the back of my cousin's motorbike it felt really so much less tourist-y and more local-cool haha if that makes any sense at all.

Before New Years Eve: In Phu Quoc, a pretty island by the south coast of Vietnam, fell of a jet skill, rode around on the back of the motorbike Martin rented, snorkelling & fishing (zero luck).

New Year's Eve: Back in Saigon, seeing the fireworks with my cousins at the harbour - started out like, 10pm and soo much traffic; not your regular car traffic - motorbike traffic but it was a fun, new experience nevertheless, laughed, sung, talked, joked, walked and climbed onto the top of a reception truck and back down again, sat on a bright red power generator, went to a pub and danced way too much, came back home at 3am-ish. Highlight: never underestimate how awesome the breeze will feel on a motorbike after you've been dancing in no A/C place crammed with people - all I wanted to do was cruise around on the motorbike afterwards and not go back home to generated fan breeze XD

The days after: Learnt how to drive a motorbike, went to see movies at Vietnamese cinemas which was a cool experience, they're not like Hoyts much at all excl. the Viet subtitles on English movies, went to anime shops around the city and perused shops in the most sweltering yet oddly comforting heat ever, cloudy days, visiting country home towns, hanging out with awesome cousins and shopping in the vibrant, stall-filled markets which were like a complex network of narrow lines of which you pass through and peruse to your heart's content, eating authentic Vietnamese food, playing PS3, speaking & reading a lot of Vietnamese

Early Jan, back to Australia: Crazy surreal, went to Summerfest - first time ever even though it's that thing everyone always talks about back at school, caught up with friends, got used to speaking English all the time again, went to see Tangled with friends, ate American candy that friend brought back from the California, went to the beach with Vegemite chan, got my L's, had my first driving lesson, lots of shopping and some recent hauls from Miss Shop

And I guess that's all summed up to now, about a week or so until the school semester starts. Ok, so maybe this recount seems incredibly boring, you know, you must be thinking "yeah, that's somewhat interesting but I definitely don't see anything life-changing" but the thing about life is that it's never in the details themselves but how you come to personally experience it.

Perhaps for me the most amazing thing I have realised from going to Vietnam was how cool some Vietnamese people, how amazing and vast the culture is and long history are and how proud I am to be the Vietnamese girl that I am. I don't think I could ever really understand this strong sense of nationalism unless you've been there though. And you know what? I really like liking who I am and not always wishing I were someone else, somewhere else.

Meeting with friends, while not seemingly life changing, is important in a different sense, like getting my L's and driving a car - it feels great to do what you want when you want without always asking for permission over every detail.

But now, as all the things must, summer is ending and hopefully, I will always remember what I've realised this summer forever and treasure all the precious and happy memories that really happened and were not all but a dream (that's surreal for you). And so also ends this incredibly incoherent post where I've tried my half-best to vaguely convey my overwhelming thoughts right now.

life seems full and happy

2010-11-27T12:00:00.010+11:00

With the formal and grad over everything resounds with that resonant tone of finality.

My formal was amazing, being with the rest of my grade and my friends who all looked so cute in their dresses and suits and in the case of one, bow tie. And one in a Soul cosplay suit which he totally got away with! Cosplay formal ftw.

And Vegemite-chan shimmying to Dirty Picture on the dance floor lol. Some people really know how to dirty dance and do it well.

There's only two parties left for the year, Christmas and one of my friend's 17th which hopefully I will be able to go to.

Next stop - job. I need one.

Preferably maybe at the sushi bar or a bookstore. Realistically, I'll take anything else retail that will give me money.

I've got two-three weeks to kill before I leave for Vietnam for a fortnight and then another three after that and I'd like to fill it with that happy, fun loveliness that is summer. Summer, summer, that summer that changed our lives forever. Lol.

It probably won't but hopefully I'll come out the better for it.

Also thinking of dying my hair milk tea brown.
And books. I want to read so much more books. Studying and school and other things have been my excuse up until now but I genuinely really want to read all the books that I can.

I like words. Words, words and words and more words that shape our lives and change us.

Words filled with heart-felt intensity, words that touch our minds and make us feel, words that make normal things beautiful.
I'm excited for the Last Sacrifice~ TWO WEEKS TO GO.

God, my life always feel like a perpetual countdown to new books coming out every year.

new experiences

2010-11-21T10:11:00.005+11:00

So for the last week I've had work exp which was pretty amazing.

It's taught me to come out of my little shell I like to huddle in so much sometimes a lot more.

Though some would argue I've been starting to change since the beginning of this year when I decided for my resolution - yes, I am one of those silly people who make resolutions - that I would put myself out more, stop being so shy and closed off.

I did my work exp at an IT/comm in cbd. It was fun going to the city each day and working with other cool, geeky people. I also had a full night's rest for once where I actually went to bed on time because after the end of each day I always felt so exhausted. I don't know why because all the free food I was getting should have made up for any extra energy that might have exceeded my regular school day effort.

My formal dress also came in from asos. International delivery is so quick, it came 3 working days from when I ordered it from the UK to syd. I love the dress though, it's immensely lovely~

It's a Lipsy Loves Pixie Lott Prom Dress~

On the last day which was Friday, I went to see Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. Overall it was really good even though they cut a lot more out of the book than I expected as you know, there's two parts to the movie, surely thatmeans they'll be able to cover a lot more of the book. Beautiful cinematography as always. I loved the sleeping scene at Grimmauld Place where everything looks so peaceful and surreal as the morning light streams through the open windows. And Godric's Hollow, oh wow, Godric's Hollow was like everything I imagined it to be. And the grave site and the falling snow and the church singing. When you see it and you've read the books, you can see how closely they've composed it in reference to the books because everything has such a clear sense of familiarity even though you've never seen it before, it's extraordinary.

One flaw though was the fact that I think I had some sort of allergic reaction triggered but my eyes started stinging a lot during the movie so I was noiselessly sobbing like three quarters way through the movie with my face streaked with tears constantly. I noticed this guy round my age sitting next to me felt a little uncomfortable probably because of all the places he had to sit, he had to sit next to the sobbing girl who found every part of the movie inextricably sad. Ha, perhaps I could have passed as an intensely heart felt fan.

Came home late Friday night and slept through all of Saturday until my friend's 16th birthday party at 6, rocked up late (as always) at 7pm.

Now all that's left of the social year really is last week of school and yr 10 graduation.

I could say the year's gone so fast but I don't think it has really. Only when you look back at it, it looks like a whole year's gone past so quickly when that year's not exactly been a blank page either, you know how you got here to this final point - all the memories, bad and good - and that without that journey, you wouldn't be here at this point and time.

Anyway enough rant~

Need to get ready to go to sydney again meh.

washing away

2010-11-12T20:49:00.004+11:00

"She was a very frail girl who looked as if she had been lost in the rain for years and the rain had washed out the blue from her eyes and the red from her mouth and the yellow from her hair. She was old photography dusted from an album, whitened away, and if she spoke at all, her voice would be a ghost."

- The Sound of Thunder, Ray Bradbury

Sometimes I feel like that; old photography, faded away, dulled. The dark thoughts, the shame, the malice...the depression, the awareness - sometimes I feel like life simply spins in circles that I could never hope to truly understand.

hearts melt

2010-11-08T21:54:00.011+11:00

Based on the lyrics a love song that moved a nation, Hanamizuki promises to be a romance for the ages. Growing up under the shade of a dogwood tree, Sae is determined to succeed in life. She falls in love with Kohei, a local boy who becomes a fisherman. Deeply in love, yet physically apart, their long distance relationship is under strain. Meanwhile, Sae encounters Kitami, a senior at her college who shares the same professional dreams. The immensely talented male lead, Toma Ikuta, will capture your heart in this soulfully romantic gem.
"The immensely talented male lead, Toma Ikuta" Heck yeah >w<
The movie sounds so cute and lovely, I want to see~

What is up with me and Japanese douramas..

Events cinema, George St 4:00pm 28 Nov, Syd cbd!!

free slurpee day

2010-11-07T19:56:00.004+11:00

So I missed out on a chance to get free slurpee today for 7-eleven day blah.

My 16th birthday came and went quite normally like other days.

Except with more pressies and more Facebook wall posts with well wishes XD

But altogether not as epic and hyped up as movies and books make it up to be.

Not that I was really expecting anything like that but well...I can imagine ^__^

My 16th party went pretty well (or well, at least *I* thought it did).

Comprised of which:

- I got a fez

- my friend and die-hard Doctor Who fan wore an extremely cool bow-tie and did dying Matt-Smith-the-Doctor impressions

- every girl wore a dress/or something at least somewhat dolly-kei, they looked so kawaii~

- Shinigami-sama team lost the trivia and had to eat fish fingers and custard

- Team Awesome (shockingly) won the trivia

- cross-dressing involving frilly maid aprons and headbands

- watched the live action of Hana Kimi until 2 in the morning XDD they then proceeded to call me a vampire for not being tired in the morning

- coolest birthday card envelope message ever from a fellow star wars fan friend: "Inside this envelope is your card. Search your feelings. You know it to be true."

- I got a lot of books and money

- I had avocado shakes ;A;

It was fun. Sweet 16s are still so overrated though~

School cert tomorrow blaah~ I've barely studied.

the evanescence of time

2010-11-06T00:12:00.007+11:00

why, why, why must I be so lazy =_____=

I've been pretty much procrastinating making my costume for my *own* birthday party all week...

my costume~

This year's theme is dolly-kei and so far I think I'm gonna be the only one who really understands what the style means XD I probably should have picked a less obscure theme..

I know it's a hard theme already as I couldn't find anything to wear for it hence I just sewed a circle skirt with lace hem and kimono-style coat so I think the others who don't really sew, will find it even harder! Western costume hire is so boring - slutty nurses to stereotypical vamps with the long cloak and all...or maybe it's just my local Australian ones...

Anyway, hopefully all goes well~

I am known for my stressed-freak-out nature at my own parties while everyone has fun...I did not relate "orz D|

lovely philosophy

2010-11-04T18:18:00.005+11:00

One of the things I really love about Japanese culture is the Japanese spirit of never, never giving up. In Japan, they have this phrase "Ganbatte ne" meaning "do your best". The thing is everyone says it and while it can sound corny and overrated in English, in Japan it's very natural. This is followed by the response/phrase "Ganbare masu" meaning "I'll do my best".

I think it's such a lovely phrase to have and it's sad there's not one like it in English~

Along with this, I like the samurai, Sakamoto Ryoma's words "even if you die in a ditch during battle, you will die pitching forward." I think his words illustrate this indomitable concept of the Japanese spirit so well..(or maybe just the kamikaze bombers in WWII ha..)

Festival colours and pre-NaNoWriMo deprep

2010-10-30T23:29:00.003+11:00

I had a nice day out at the Food & Wine Festival today trying some kangaroo meat at the Domayne cooking demo which actually doesn't taste as gross as it sounds. I still prefer your conventional meat like beef and lamb....there's just something about kangaroo....meat.

Spotting a Gelatissino - I can not resist these things - had a scoop of sweet mango-flavoured gelato in a cup.

It was kind of strange being out in the midday sun wearing short shorts and a short-sleeved blouse~

Coated with sun-screen of course but still, I'm pretty sure I darkened like a least a shade or two :( I usually just prefer to go out early mornings and late afternoons.

The festival itself was very busy and colourful and cosy. It really surprises me how much people can find entertainment in such a small space - it's a 3 minute walk across the entire festival lol.

I guess though most people were just there for some food and a nice picnic and free live music.

Great weather for the festival though, I wonder if they would have cancelled it if it was cloudy?

I hope it stays the same for my 16th next Sat. Hoping for a night beach walk :)

I invited so many people it's insane...I might as well start throwing open house parties because 12 people is insane...in fact, right now kind of hoping some of the unconfirmed people can't come haha...I'm so not party-girl-central.

The theme is dolly/fairy-kei for the girls and bohemian/vintage for the guys. Baaah hope it turns out ok ~

My brother was absolutely no help when I asked him because apparently he's "never been to a good party without drinking". Yeah, whatever.

AND AMIDST IT ALL - NANOWRIMO IS STARTING IN TWO DAYS ZOMG.

I am so not prepped...

bio

2010-10-24T02:31:00.000+11:00

I like stars and the sky. I like books. I like carrying books. I like avocado shakes. I like Japanese culture. I like smiles and cute love songs. I like apricots. I like cold, cloudy sun patched days and bright-coloured scarves. I like sewing. I like art. I like words. I like the evanescence of time. I like hugs. I like that warm, tight feeling you have when you're with someone you like.

avocado shakes, updos and exam study schedules

2010-10-10T16:07:00.003+11:00

I went to Sydney on Friday and had so many avocado shakes ;___; but my rule still stands: I don't think you can ever have too many avocado shakes.

Especially since I only ever get one like once a month when I'm down in the south west syd suburbs. Also grabbed some really nice konnyaku jelly I've been looking for, for a while from a local asian grocery, a box full of boxes of strawberry-flavoured Pocky and lots and lots of chrysanthemum tea cartons.

It's strange but I actually really enjoy asian food now. I used to in a sort of be on a love-hate relationship with it alternating between western and asian but honestly I don't think I can imagine a life where I don't eat rice, seaweed, noodles and yummy, hot pho.

Also been really into discovering all these cute updos lately ~

I know some people don't really bother with putting up their hair or doing something with it because "it takes too much effort" but I find it fun to experiment. There's just so many cute do's

you can have and well, with the risk of sounding extremely hollow - doesn't it feel nice just to look nice? XD It's like that saying - there are no ugly women, only lazy women.

Hair and food aside, I've been on an intensive exam study schedule for the last week in preparation for my yearlies which starts tomorrow and goes for another few days DD|

I've been studying so much it hurts my brain baah~

The worst thing is, I never feel quite prepared enough! I feel like a little girl treading outside her room in the middle of the night when everything's transformed into these unknown surroundings. I don't know how I'm going to do the HSC. I really don't.

Making my insides feel like a strawberry smoothie.

2010-09-26T17:23:00.004+10:00

Currently I feel like my entire existence is being propelled by a fictional book world.

But oh, what a good fictional world it is. I feel like I could almost just roll on the floor and wait melodramatically for the last volume. My heart aches for Dmitri and Rose so much that I think I'm going to cry bahh ~

I'm such a sap these days.

It's just tragic.

The thing is though - currently my plans are overseas on the release date of the final volume (aptly named "The Last Sacrifice") and that's one of the main reasons against going overseas. That and Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out in cinemas around that time and the fact that I should get a summer job and earn some money to save for uni, a car - whatever's a pressing concern later.

I'm on my two week term holiday right now but you might as well call it a study-concentration-camp because that's all I'll be doing as my yearlies are actually set earlier this year for my SC. So yearlies will be like the mock exams of the SC...except much harder.

But as you might expect from a lazy sock like me, I've been dividing my time between studying, eating cake (and feeling like a utter glutton), reading and watching anime.

Also need to plan a Japanese dorama marathon that I promised my friend sometime this week. Hana Yori Dango s2 and the Final and we're done.

Right now though, all I feel like doing is reading anything Richelle Mead's ;___;

Need = http://www.bookdepository.co.uk/book/9780553819861/Storm-Born

Thoughts, things and unwritten futures

2010-09-16T18:52:00.004+10:00

"What if she was meant to be, or could have been, someone important in my life? I think that’s what scares me: the randomness of everything. That the people who could be important to you might just pass you by. Or you pass them by. How do you know…I felt that by walking away I was abandoning [them], that I spent my entire life, day after day, abandoning people."
-Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You, Peter Cameron

I'm so haywire. So all over the place. So eclectic. So insanely frustrating.

So idiotic. So unorganised. So not her. You know - the girl. The girl who just floats through life on light, graceful feet. The one who has always has it so together.

Always, always.

I'm always thinking such negative things about myself. I want to stop.

I want to stop being this way.

Stop thinking that the end is the end.

Each little piece of time is so precious. So relevant.

To start being kinder to myself.

Silence. A girl's loudest cry. A whisper on a windswept valley. Yet a roaring wind on a quiet winter's night.

If you listen, really listen. You might just hear it.

And there I go again, all non-sensical and eclectic.

Weird, no, unique...but completely normal.

Why do we follow the path of the constellations to map our futures?

Our futures surely are not determined by celestial bodies, so far from humanity's plight of the unknown.

So much unknown.

Our futures remain unwritten. My life lies before me like an open book.

Pages waiting to be filled. I will try my best to fill them well. With hope, loveliness and enough light that the shadows will not dull its shine.

"Life was mostly made up of things you couldn’t control, full of surprises, and they weren’t always good. Life wasn’t what you made it. You were what life made you."
-Sweethearts, Sara Zarr

THIS TRAILER =____=

2010-09-15T17:27:00.003+10:00

Familiar scenes off Kimi Ni Todoke, amazing cast and general cuteness in general;;; neeeeeed to watch it.

1 Litre no Namida

2010-08-28T20:25:00.006+10:00

Been watching so many Japanese doramas lately.

goodnewsgoodnewsgoodnewsgoodnewsgoodnews: Japanese class is running next year with a 40% otaku percentage |DDD

Ah, I'm so excited.

Byaaah been watching this really sad but inspiring Japanese dorama called 1 Litre no Namida D': Every episode is so sad, it has me bawling my eyes out all the time which has produced this puffy effect on my eyes.

It's based on the true story of this 15 year old girl, in the dorama called Aya Ikeuchi who discovers she has an incurable disease where she will eventually lose her ability to use her arms and legs, find it difficult to speak and write and eat and drink. It brings light on the terrible, ruthless fact that we still, despite all our so called "advanced" technology in this vast information age, there is still many terrible diseases in the world in which there has not been discovered a cure.

The show has a simple but strong message which is carefully portrayed in the strength of Aya's character and the disillusioned optimism she responds to her disease as she says "Just being alive is such a lovely and wonderful thing" and (paraphrasing off the top of my head), "It is only when we have limited time that we realise how important time is". Another character in the show, who has the same disease also notably remarks "having this disease...it's not unlucky...only inconvenient".The story is just so simple and so beautiful and so realistic that it's just a lovely thing in itself that I would seriously recommend to everywhere and everyone. Also very well casted - the strength of their acting is just, well amazing.

IKUTAA

2010-08-22T14:44:00.004+10:00

Ikuta spammm. Smexy much?

Maid cafe!

2010-08-22T00:05:00.005+10:00

So I finished two dresses with a third one on the way. Then I just need to make two more aprons and I'mdone!

Yes somehow I got my Commerce class to run a maid cafe together for our school's book week festival XDD

It's kind of crazy how otaku it is...I wonder if my school can take it.

Somehow I wound up being the main seamstress so I'm making all the costumes...

It's kind of fun though thinking how cool it will be.

I'm so lucky there are already a few otakus in my class |D They are all so great. Even the guy is enthusiastic to cross-dress (not sure whether I should find this disturbing...)..but that was a bit much for my school to take probably..so I said no.

So there'll be hosts and maids and yummy cakes and anime and j-pop and hopefully we'll get it to work!

Current costume for maids ~ (it's very simple I know but ne, this is the first time I'm making dresses blarg ;A;

The only girl I've ever loved was born with roses in her eyes.

2010-08-21T08:46:00.002+10:00

Neutral Milk Hotel.

I love them again and again.

HANA KIMI KYAA.

2010-08-18T03:06:00.003+10:00

Been watching the Hana Kimi live action for the lastfew hours blaaargh so addicted D|

It's 3 am. Need to go to sleep...

But seriously, I think I finally found a guy who lives up to manga bishieness.

So. Cute. Favourite Japanese actor yet ;;w;; Too bad that he's a side character in Hana Kimi...I think I'm more in love with his character though. His acting is so funny and ridiculously moe moe kyun at the same time...

Lol watched the scene where the guy dresses up as Char Aznable for a party thing because the girl that he liked wrote on her profile, "My type: Anyone who dresses as Char Aznable" XDD She pretty much ignored him the whole episode until he turned up in the Char Aznable cosplay...

There's actually also a Taiwanese version of Hana Kimi but I tried watching a little bit of it and I really did not like it at all....I must be really biased....the only Asian dramas I ever watch and like are Japanese....

Oceans apart can sometimes seem awfully far.

2010-08-01T23:15:00.002+10:00

Brief run down of my day --
Went to Syd CBD again (I always seem to blog about this)
Should have stayed at home and studied for the Mt Everest of work I have to do...but went out instead and got new anime (Nabari no Ou, Kuroshitsuji,Lucky Star) + thigh high socks + converse shoes.
Had lunch at this nice italian seafood restaurant at Harbourside in Pyrmont and then went to the Boat show for about an hour. Realised I actually don't like boats all that much but because of social ettiquette had to stay because one of my mum's friends was part of it...baaah > n <
And then a whole lot of walking after that to China Town (lol it's the place to go) + Paddy Markets + Market City.

My uncle who came from the US came with us today. As he was only staying with us for two days and then would be going back to the US again, when we said goodbye to him today (possibly for another few years) I felt horrible at the unfairness that being oceans apart makes us not able to see each other as often as we'd like to.
Even though he only was with us for two days I think I'm really going to miss him. I don't usually say things like this lightly...I've never really been a very sentimental person; I don't cry about love, I don't tell some I will miss them terribly when I really do, I don't confess the troubling doubts and fears that lurk at the bottom of my mind.
And that's just it. I've never really worried or actually thought about it much that I don't really have a dad. My real one being kind of a big jack arse who left me and my brother for Vietnam 7 years ago and we've haven't heard from him again except for the occasional phone call every few years with a "How are you?" . The best thing next to it I guess was my grandpa who sort of filled that role for me as he has been living with me since I was born.
But then he left.
And when Uncle came over, I guess I felt sort of like he filled that role for me. I know it sounds stupid and silly because he wasn't really here that long but he in so many ways reminded me of my grandpa. Except a younger version.
I don't know how to really explain it...it already sounds lame but that's what it felt like. I thought it didn't affect me.
That I didn't really care I don't have a dad. But now I find myself so unbelievable envious of those who do have that kind of person in their life.
Final goodbyes are so awkward and underrated. Why is there always so many things left to unsaid?

Sugoi sugoi!!

2010-07-28T23:53:00.004+10:00

Update: just found out Vizmedia (publisher) takes out the honorifics in the volumes DD|

I like the online scans translation better ~

So much clearer and easier to understand lol which is ironic.

Sew sew sew!!

2010-07-25T17:16:00.005+10:00

Making progress on my Smash! cosplay :'D

Spent like, the last three hours sewing my outfit lol.

About 50% to go!

HOLIDAY TIME.

2010-07-07T10:03:00.003+10:00

holidaysholidaysholidays :'D

So happy that everything is kind of over (half-yearlies and exams and all that shite).

Kyaa still have some projects I need to finish though due next term ~

Makes me a sad panda.

Anyway been spending my past few days very productively - eating lots and lots of fairy bread (gaah can't stay away....we got awesome bread atm), watching anime, reading manga, watching Stargate, playing Dragon Age and one day of Hana Yori Dango marathon (manga & live action).

I finally installed photoshop on my mac now too.

I love photoshop.

But it doesn't love me very much sadly because I can never get my lines straight on it.

I like Sai but it's expired on me on my windows.

And Sai isn't available for mac \o/

Have you ever noticed how shojo manga has lots of random flower backgrounds? Especially around girl or bishie characters XD Idk but it's so random when you actually notice how non-sensical it is~

Anyway, going to Syd today and hopefully be able to visit Maruyu, this awesome japanese supermarket in the city. Gonna go have brekkie and get ready.

I'm brilliant like that.

2010-06-19T23:33:00.010+10:00

I promised myself this morning that I'd get up at 6 am and NOT be late to get the train down to Supernova with my friends.

Well, that failed.

I'm always, always like this. Gaah.

I need better excuses.

Kakashi: *laughs sheepishly at his peevish students after being made to wait a couple of hours for their sensei* "I got lost."

The Naruto team: "STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!"

We ended up missing the train and I had no Plan B (no extra time table times) so we ended up getting a ride down to Paramatta from my aunt and then catching the train from there.

We were kind of lost there for a few since City Rail sucks and is confusing but then we saw some cosplayers and I was like "COSPLAYERS. We should follow the cosplayers - they will lead us there".

So we ended up just following the cosplayers to the train and then to the actual place itself ha..

By the time we got there, there was a line like 1km long to get in. Really regretted not buying a ticket online beforehand at that moment. Waited for an hour and a half to get in - lol, about how long it took to get there.

Was entertained by cosplayers EVERYWHERE while we waited.

I saw a Hetalia cosplay group and I wanted to stalk them n__n RUSSIA COSPLAYER

There was even these camouflage guys who wore camouflage clothes an carried rifles and ran around doing crazy things like blending into the grass and runnig around toting their plastic rifles.

In the actual expo itself there was lots and lots of stalls that sold amazing amazing cool stuff. It's like geek heaven in there.

Well, for me, I think more otaku heaven ~ XD (anime, manga, figures, cute hats, lolita clothing, epic wacom demonstration tablets)

I also finally got to see IRL my favourite deviantart artist of all time (Miyukiko) at the Madman National Cosplay Contest :'D That was so epic. There was so many cool skits.

Lol'd at the guitar in a Nana skit that was made so well that it didn't break like it was supposed to in the skit. Instead it dented the stage |D The skit was otherwise awesome though (epic, epic punk rock dress)

There was also a really heavy anime sword that finally DOES NOT DEFY GRAVITY. It was so heavy for the cosplayer that he ended up just dragging it around.

Sadly I did not get many photos with some cosplayers because we didn't have enough time D| I wanted so badly to get a picture with the Hetalia group.

I have two pics with 1) a storm trooper and 2) life-sized R2-D2 and got a Darth Vader shaped cookie from a storm trooper. Lol. "Come to the dark side - we haz cookies"

I bought five manga volumes and a Kakashi figure >D

A lot of things were so cheap there and there was just too much cool stuff today that I wish I had more money D': ANIME POSTERS, SUMMER GLAU AUTOGRAPH, CUTE HATS...GAAH.

THE FINAL LINE: I FINALLY BOUGHT A KAKASHI FIGURE Uwaaha!! *happy buzz of geekiness*

Right now all the photos are on my friend's camera so I will post some later. Ughh I need a Canon 450D & a F1.4 for next year's Supernova!

IT'S A TREND

2010-06-15T00:09:00.003+10:00

Okay I'm completely knackered after a long day in Sydney at Ikea picking out new furniture for our new rooms (renovation completed FINALLY). Ikea has a very DIY policy and it was annoyingly confusing to find some things. Oh and the constant lectures that I am not allowed to choose any black furniture.

"Mum, this is like, perfect," I say pointing to the black desk. "And it'd go really well against my sterile hospital room that you conveniently painted completely white."

"No Jess. No black. Black is bad. You must not buy black," Mum says, walks over to another piece of furniture. "Get this. This is white. White is a good colour."

And this controversy went on with the bed, bedside and shelving as well - blaah.

Ended up being a bit of compromise - got the white bed frame + bed side and BLACK *finally* and white desk.

And then of course there was the DIY checkout where you actually had to locate all the pieces of furniture to DIY construct when you get home. Not meaning to fill the female stereotype but I am the weakest girl in my P.E class so lifting the heavy pieces was difficult and almost impossible. Ended up being offered help from some guys in the same aisle as me.

So glad that all my furniture is set up and done now.
Now I just need to: A. Wash school uniform and put in dryer. B. SHOWERR (>___>) C. Pack books for school.

It's 12:28 AM.

I have not had any tea/caffeine for the last 48 hours.

I wish my heart was as cold as the morning dew.

2010-06-12T00:05:00.003+10:00

I've decided. I am really sick of pretending when I write on this blog and try to pretend that everything's okay and great and lovely..when it's not.

It's like what I do on Facebook where it's pretty much everyone I know so I try to omit anything sentimental or personal or sad.

I just want to be able to just sit down and write something that reflects more of my true self - the real me on this blog. The crap and otherwise.

I'm just so sick of how fake everything is in real life.

I'm so sick of having to pretend.

I just want this blog to be that kind of journal that might say Dear Diary, today sucked.

On a side note, I am absolutely in love with Camera Obscura at the moment - now I just need to go find a library and bury myself in books and beautiful music.

tired with so much to do

2010-05-19T00:10:00.005+10:00

It's currently 12:10 AM and I'm going to pack up and go to bed.

Agh so sick of being semi-insomniac.

Went to Maroo Japanese restaurant again on Glebe Point Rd for dinner a few hours ago and enjoyed this lovely, scrumptious chicken Teriyaki meal with salad, rice, Miso soup and various other things that I couldn't identify.

It was really nice and warm inside the restaurant considering A. It was another one of my bad decision days where I made the stupid split choice to wear thongs - yes, those very non-enclosed footwear while B. it was raining, wet and cold at night and the concrete footpath was filling up it's own fair share of puddles. Gaah. My feet are still freezing..

Okay day today. Half yearlies coming up and very stressed that I've barely started revising yet..to do list so long...

LONG LONG DAYS

2010-05-16T20:16:00.004+10:00

Six hours. That's how long it takes to have lunch typical-Italian style gaah.

I so do not have time for doing such things.

Actually I shouldn't be blogging but I feel like updating.

The cake was really lovely though...it had marshmallows and strawberries and perfectly scooped half spheres of ice cream (o.o) mhmm yum

pity I was too full from the last five dishes to enjoy it. Four glasses of lemonade and a hot chocolate to top it off!

And this was just me...to think all this elaborate parade for one baby's christening. Eh..don't want to know what they're gonna make for her wedding..

Last week has been really busy, busy. Actually, I've been very busy lately.

Went to Canberra on Thursday and Friday. I'm not sure what to say about that.

It was mostly just a bludge excursion for year 10 commerce so we didn't learn much.

But I think the most significant thing was probably that I actually put myself out there and actually tried to be more comfortable around guys (who aren't related to me).

It's silly, it's stupid and I'm such a girl for it but I've always been rather uncomfortable hanging out with guys.

I just can't act my normal self around them and I don't feel as relaxed as I would with a girl.

It sounds lame already doesn't it?

Finally started my SDD course last week and really need to finish some Intellectual Properties definitions, catch up on some maths work I missed out on my excursion and then finally, finally watch THE NEW EPISODE OF DOCTOR WHO.

Ah, I'm such a nerd.

Oh and take a shower, pack bag, wash socks and find black shorts...gaaaah so much to do.

restless restless stars

2010-05-04T22:34:00.005+10:00

Lately I keep on thinking about stars.
Do they ever get tired of burning all the time?
Sometimes they feel so alive to me. Like they could be breathing, living and consciously illuminating their own little galaxies.
It creates a kind of beautiful complexity in my mind.
Like thinking of all humanity as connected together.
Connected by fine strings. That link when people walk into one another's lives.
Whether they are conscious of it or not.
And it creates this entire intricate, complicated web of links between souls.
Is it alright to think of it like that?
We're souls aren't we?
We don't have a soul. We are a soul.

Anyway philosophical things aside today I had a total vego day. Pears & melon slices for breakfast, muffin and scone for morning tea, vegetarian burger for lunch and a japanese vegetarian dish (sushi, tofu, salad - with seaweed <3) for dinner.

I like to think of myself as a song.
Sometimes I feel so sad that my melody climbs slowly and monotonously.
And then when I'm happy I feel like my notes are soaring above and beneath.
Darting, flitting between the shadows, never touching the darkness.

I've been reading a lot of Ai Otsuka's blog/diary recently.
Apart from her cute looks and bright J-Pop music she's actually quite sincere.
All her posts are so thoughtful and there seems to be a quiet beauty about the words she uses.
It's so inspiring (^0^)

conundrums are like asteroids shooting aimlessly through space

2010-05-02T17:26:00.004+10:00

Quite productive weekend surprisingly: still skint but making it okay.

Went shopping and didn't even have to resist the urge to buy anything - because I couldn't even if I wanted to. That's a first. I really need to get one of those things you do on a regular basis that gives you money. Usually I always have money to spare but lately I've been irrevocably and hopelessly broke. *been spending too much money on anime and books and clothes -_-*

I do reallyyyyy need to save up for Supanova though. I really do not want to miss out on Supanova this year. And a few of my friends' birthdays coming up....agh.

I've been obsessed with modcloth.com a lot lately - all the lovely descriptions make me want all the cute things so much more. It's like my inspiration, reading them lights up my day. Like Frankie. The new issue is brilliant, as always and even though I haven't finished reading it yet, I'm already excited for the next one.

Gaah. Lately I've been feeling this increasing sense of pointlessness to life. It's such a bleak and depressing outlook but I can't seem to repress it. Most of the time I feel like I'm just living on simple commands like "Now you need to eat, Jess" "Now you need to take a shower," "Now you need to go to school" to live my life. And what's struck me most? Being okay with everything - it's hard. Really hard. It's hard to keep composure when you feel dreadful inside, it's hard to not tell anyone when you're bursting with restlessness. And I keep asking myself, is it wrong, is it bad to feel this way?

Obsessed, right?

2010-04-30T18:33:00.003+10:00

Lately it seems all I can think about is Hana Yori Dango, Hana Yori Dango and Kuroshitsuji. Ah, Japanese things are so lovely and wonderful :D
The Japanese live action of Hana Yori Dango had such a perfect ending. I am such a sap for happy endings and I enjoyed the live action even for all it's cheesiness, Domyouji always makes me laugh and thinking of Rui makes me smile secretly to myself like it's some big secret. And Shigeru <3

I haven't been doing as well this term at school. I don't think I have been trying hard enough either. I need to work harder -_- I hate that I can just give up so easily.

to confess

2010-04-16T14:36:00.002+10:00

I am a weird, eclectic assortment of all things bizarre.

Really, sometimes I don't even understand myself.

something to talk about

2010-04-11T02:02:00.004+10:00

Vampire Diaries
Back on air and as good as ever. I don't care that the new pink is black or that popular culture among teenage girls nowadays is very much primarily driven by vampires or how "hot" Robert Pattinson looked in New Moon; this show is terrific. It's clever, it's funny and there is a perfect cast that all work together really well to make this awesome show...and maybe it's just me but Ian Sommerhalder makes a super hot Damon Salvatore. He always has the best lines in the show despite playing part antagonist/protagonist.
Doctor Who
Ah, sooooooooooo good. Matt Smith may not be quite as wonderful as the tenth, but he's so far living up to my expectations for the Doctor and more. He might even exceed Christopher Eccleston, who knows? ;) There's something about him that's just very Doctor-y. Energetic wise. I can definitely see the difference between Steven Moffat and Russell T. Davies style though. Haven't really decided which I like better though since there's only been one episode and that's not really enough to judge but to be put frankly, The Eleventh Hour has got to be the most vibrant and colourful episode I've seen of Doctor Who so far. Unlike any other episode before. It goes together very well with the new-ish intro-ish theme for a new Doctor Who for a new decade maybe with a new cast, new director and everything.
Axis Powers Hetalia
That's right, ha...I've finally gotten around to watching it after Jojo's talking and raving about it for so much. It's so different from what I thought it was going to be. I love it. I love the whole idea of all the countries and such. So far, I think Japan is my favourite but Italy is a close second - I LOVE PASTA :DD As I was watching the first few episodes I kept on thinking how this should be the proper way to teach History at school XD
Naruto
Kakashi rocks <33 I don't think anyone who watches Naruto can fail to like him. He's cool, he's hot and funny character in general, never in an annoying way either.
I love the episode where the team try to get Kakashi to take his mask off. It did make a bit of a caricature out of all the characters excepting Naruto (he's just naturally a caricature) intended for comedic effect since Sasuke seemed very un-Sasuke-like. Also didn't really follow with plot or anything so it seemed in itself like a little spin off extra of the show.Would have been a perfect for April 1 ha..and Kakashi does end up taking off his mask - there is another mask underneath! Sugoi!!

Rozen Maiden
I'm sad that now the show's ended...I finished Traumend, the second season. I know there's still Ouverture left but that's more of a prequel-ish thing. I have to say I was disappointed with the ending of Traumend, it left off with Rozen still being a very figure made (literally) of luminous light..which makes me really want to read the manga now even though Tokyo Pop has apparently discontinued it..so I will have to order it from multiple places which will be frustratingly expensive. I think I liked the first season better.

a nostalgic future

2010-04-09T13:03:00.004+10:00

I've been avoiding posting anything on this blog recently because I really don't want to turn this back into an emo blog that most of my blogs seem to become naturally because I always feel so freaking depressed. But I've realised that I can't really avoid it talking about all the sad things and always have happy posts.

I am having such an awful day right now - I'm at mum's office working as usual and I was flicking through some art by some deviants I watch on DA in my kick-back time and it's making me feel like such a failure. I look at all these people, how amazing they are - from my friends to brilliant, amazing artists that are like my inspirations and I feel so inadequate.

I don't even try to draw, to practice anymore. I've been lacking the inspiration and frankly, nothing turns out good. I just don't like my art and my art doesn't like me.

And it's making me feel terrible because I have no other special talents.

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how I'm not enough.

Not clever enough. Not pretty enough. Not responsible enough. Not organised enough. Not talented enough. Not dedicated enough.

And these string of words threaded together forms an impossibly hopeless me. I feel like my dreams and hopes is shattering apart and my future is dying in my front of my eyes.

And I can't move. I can't do anything about it. This horrifying sensation of being trapped - well and truly with no other place to turn to. Even God has deserted me.

I believe in God. But when I look to Him I just feel this vapid emptiness. Like he's no longer there. Like there was a door that was once open and now has slammed shut in my face and no matter how hard I try I can't get it open.

I feel like a lost little girl from outerspace.

I might as well be in the middle of a forest of trees because everywhere, everything, everyone looks the same to me. Everything seems alien and foreign and I feel like I live in my own little sphere of isolation unable to come out.

I feel so endlessly frustrated all the time - everything I say comes out wrong and everything I do doesn't go as I plan it to.

Sometimes I lie down on the floor and stare at the ceiling trying to think my way out of my problems. But it doesn't really work and I only feel more awful that I can't.

See...I'm just so emo when I let it all out. I'm sorry this post is just an ocean of self-pity.

Zesty Lemon Cupcakes

2010-03-17T16:50:00.002+11:00

sweet and yummy

Procrastinating machine

2010-03-17T00:28:00.010+11:00

Bad Jess! cramming sucks. History exam tomorrow. Blah.

This polaroid is so cute!

OCTOBER!!!

2010-03-16T16:19:00.002+11:00

So today I didn't go to school since I had an orthodontist appointment that was like, conveniently lodged in the middle of the day. Not that I enjoy missing out on school because as a general rule I hate missing out on a day of classes where I might be learning something important and not being there.

Starved from 9-3pm until we dropped by at McInedible's on the way home. Had bacon cheeseburger and an apple pie with some OJ. That was nice. I have developed a new-found passion for barbeque sauce.

Alright alright I can't hold in the excitement any longer, my dentist told me I'll be getting my braces off in OCTOBER THIS YEAR adlIJWJALIJds;!!! After two and half long years of orthodontic treatment my god this is wonderful news.

Moving again!

2010-03-15T00:07:00.004+11:00

Oh, so hey I've finally finished the final final copy of my war representations essay! God, I can not explain in words how happy this makes me. What's worse, I felt really sick today and I had only half a first really really rough first draft to work from so that required a lot of effort on my part to finish and polish it up all by the end of the day.

I don't even care that I only understand half of my evaluation. Because having it done just feels so great!

Anyway, so I'm moving rooms again today. Stupid renovation process D| Second time I've moved rooms in two weeks. But this time I'm moving into the living room downstairs ugh. Bye bye privacy for the next two weeks.

I feel like I should treasure this few last moments of privacy for the next two weeks right now as I type this in the privacy of my room...but it's getting late so I have to go to bed soon and I haven't even showered or packed anything for tomorrow...that's going just great.

But that's Doctor Who's fault ha...was rewatching some episodes and then David Tenant's diary and then episodes with commentary.

ok!

2010-03-13T15:41:00.001+11:00

AGH NEW BLOG MANIA DD|
I don't know...I just can't stick with blogs for long. Anyways, here's to a bright new start to this one. I'm feeling optimistic, kind of fluffy and in love with Rozen Maiden *hence the title*

IT's UNYUUU <3

Ugh need to do my laundry, finish war representations essay for english (due in two days >.<) and some maths homework!